By Samantha Smith

Every Sunday during football season, millions of fans settle in front of their TVs or head to tailgates, ready for another day of fandom and rivalry. Across the country, the rituals of the National Football League dominate the autumn and winter seasons, creating peak moments of shared national tension. But over the years, researchers and advocates have begun sounding an alarm about what doesn’t show up on the field: a troubling uptick in domestic violence tied to football Sundays.

A major study by economists David Card and Gordon Dahl found that in places where the home team was expected to win by at least four points, an “upset loss” corresponded with about a 10 percent rise in male-on-female intimate partner violence in the hours immediately after the game. The increase is concentrated around the final minutes, suggesting emotional volatility tied directly to the game’s outcome.

That said, some experts caution against taking that 10 percent leap too literally. In a recent emergency department study, researchers found no significant spike in assault-related injuries on Super Bowl Sunday compared to control days. PubMed, however, says the reality is complicated: many incidents of domestic violence go unreported, and isolating “game day” as the trigger ignores the persistent patterns of control and abuse that exist year-round. Experts stress that while the stress of a loss can be an accelerant, the true issue is the underlying, chronic climate of power and control within a relationship.

Marcus Pittman, a father of three Arkansas students and lifelong Chiefs football fan, has noticed tension in his household on game days.“It becomes a perfect storm. The alcohol, tension, and disappointment,. You see grown men pounding the couch or cussing the ref, Pittman says. If someone’s already simmering at home, that energy definitely leaks over.”

   Hannah Williams, a junior studying social work, volunteered at a local shelter last season and  she recalled one client who told her she dreaded Sundays. “She said he was more volatile after losses. It’s like Sunday becomes this emotional barometer,” Hannah said. Williams emphasized that many victims feel stuck. “Sunday is when more people are home, harder to get away, and social norms make excuses for aggression masked as passion.”

According to the Roanoke Times, Domestic violence awareness advocates also point to a pivotal moment in 1993 when shelters around the country reported up to a 40 percent rise in calls on Super Bowl Sunday and the day after. Back then, NBC even ran a public service announcement acknowledging the issue. The media dubbed it a “day of dread for women,” framing the game as more than just entertainment.

Sports psychologist Jeff Stotts of Mount Saint Mary’s Academy in Little Rock explained the problem may lie in how deeply fans tie their identity to their team’s performance.

 “The way people consume sports now results in individuals tying their own self-worth and identity into the team, specifically that team’s success,” he explained. “As a result, the wins and the losses begin to feel personal.”

Stotts added that this emotional link can heighten volatility when outcomes don’t go as expected. Stotts nodded that people who make something like sports a major part of your life, your emotional state can be linked to something you have no control over. That lack of control can create instability or anger that spills into other areas of life.

What the research shows  is not that every Sunday is a crisis, but that Sundays, especially when the stakes feel high, can act as flashpoints in already abusive relationships. It’s not football that causes violence, but emotional stress, substance use, and the cultural norms around identity and competition that can push someone over the edge.

Although sports can unite, they can also amplify underlying conflicts. Raising awareness about the circumstances that lead to domestic violence is essential, so individuals and communities can take steps to prevent harm before it occurs.

The post Beyond the Upset: The Troubling Link Between NFL Games and Domestic Violence appeared first on Hill Magazine.

By Joe Rousseau

On Saturday, Oct. 4, Fayetteville rock climbing gym and coffee shop Boulders and Brews hosted “House of Cruxes,” their third annual Halloween-themed bouldering competition, and their seventh competition since opening in November 2022. 

In total, 125 climbers showed up to compete. Some came from as far away as San Antonio and Salt Lake City, but most were NWA locals, and many were students at the University of Arkansas. As many climbers as there were, there were even more spectators and volunteers; during finals, the entire venue was packed tight, with attendees standing shoulder to shoulder to watch or help facilitate the grand finale.

The event was open to climbers of all ages and levels of experience: climbers could choose between the recreational, intermediate, or advanced divisions, each with a separate category for male and female. There was also a dedicated non-binary division, and males had an additional “elite” division for the most experienced climbers.

In “bouldering,” as opposed to more traditional types of rock climbing, climbers do not use a rope or harness, and climb to only about 10-12 feet off the ground above a padded floor. Because each route, or “boulder,” is so much shorter than in traditional climbing, the moves are typically more difficult. Where traditional climbing is primarily a test of technique and endurance, bouldering is a test of technique and strength.

At House of Cruxes, the gym was set with 40 boulders, numbered 1-40 in order of difficulty, with more difficult boulders worth more points. Participants had three hours to attempt whichever boulders they wanted; the point values for the top 5 most difficult boulders that each climber successfully completed were added up, and the four highest-scoring climbers from each division moved on to finals.

All through September, the gym was full of competitors training, hoping to be in peak form for the competition. Some went as hard as they could, pushing their abilities and bodies further than they ever had. Beau Baldwin, who competed in the male’s advanced division, took a different approach.

“I’ve been climbing just as often, but for shorter sessions,” he said. “I’ve mostly kept to easier climbs, so I’m still getting the work in, but I’m staying fresh and not wearing myself out.”

Most climbers who competed did so primarily for the fun of the event, and for the spirit of the competition itself. Mason Rheay, who won first place in the male’s intermediate division, said he only wanted to perform better than he did last year. His primary goal was to make the podium; he had forgotten about the winners’ prizes altogether.

But prizes there were. At the front of the gym was a table full of them – tee-shirts, sweaters, chalk bags, hand lotions, fully decorated cakes, nail clippers, concert tickets, gift certificates, dog toys, candies, stickers, and more. These prizes were ostensibly meant for the competition’s winners, but there were far more prizes available than there were winners – more even than there were participants. So, all 125 competitors were entered into a raffle. Names were called for the better part of an hour, and when everyone had taken something, and the table was still full, the names were thrown back into the hat, and another round began. 

“We try to make it so that nobody leaves empty-handed,” said Pat Randall, co-owner of Boulders and Brews. “We’ve always been more focused on spirit and community than the competition. Of course we want the competition to go well, but it’s still mostly a community event. The prize for best costume is as significant as the prize for best climber.”

Community is obviously an important part of Boulders and Brews’s identity. Randall made clear that, though he is running a business that is meant to make money, the parts of the job he finds most rewarding have to do with what the gym provides for its customers. Even the competitions, according to him, make little to no money; but because of the relationships they help forge between the attendees, he believes they are indispensable.

Randall said that he’s had other jobs that made more money, but that he’s never felt more satisfied with his work than he is at Boulders and Brews. He loves seeing people find a space where they can get stronger and make new friends.

“Sometimes, behind the counter, I feel like a friendly NPC in a video game,” he said. “My job is to increase their social skills – and their climbing skills too, if they can.”

But Boulders and Brews’s commitment to the community goes beyond supporting their climbers.

“For the competitions, we keep all of our sponsorships local because he want to highlight small businesses,” said Randall. “Many are struggling right now because of the tariffs and the state of the economy as a whole.”

When the gym began hosting competitions, it struggled to secure sponsorships. They had to reach out to potential sponsors with offers to trade benefits, and relied on those businesses’ generosity to fuel their events. But over time the gym has solidified its place in Fayetteville, and has developed a more credible, established presence: on October 5^th, the day immediately following House of Cruxes, the gym hosted a youth competition officially sanctioned by USA Climbing, the official governing body for rock climbing in the United States. Here, competitors of ages 11 through 15 competed to qualify for USA Climbing regionals, and a chance to represent the United States in international competition.

In November Boulders and Brews will reach its 3^rd anniversary. In those three years it has become a beloved third space in Fayetteville.

“I love this place,” said Rheay. “Sometimes I spend entire days here. I can do homework for a few hours, and then climb when I get bored. And I have so many friends here, it’s easy to lose track of time just hanging out.”

In the future, Randall hopes that Boulders and Brews will continue putting on events, and will remain the close-knit community space it is.

“I just love it here,” he said. “When you have the entire gym chanting for one person to top-out on a boulder they’ve been working on all week… man, that just fills my cup. That’s being a human. What else could you ask for?”

The post Beyond the Wall: Building Community through Competition appeared first on Hill Magazine.

By Allyssa Morgan

I was 16 the first time I hit a vape.

It wasn’t a dramatic moment, it was casual. Normal. Everyone around me was doing it—before cheer practice, after school, at lunch. It looked fun. It looked cool. And I wanted in.

I was driving to school, just me in the car, music playing low. I grabbed my vape off the console and hit it at a red light. Not because I needed it—just because I could. No one else was around to stop me, and it was part of my routine. I’d take a few hits on the way there, blow the vapor out the window, then toss it back in the cup holder like it was nothing.

It was how I started most days. Wake up, get dressed, hit my vape. Drive to school, hit the vape. It didn’t even feel like a choice anymore. It was just something I did.

At the time, I didn’t think I was choosing a habit. I thought it was just a fun thing to try, never knowing the real consequences that would later cause me anxiety and a seven-year addiction.

Now I’m almost 24, and quitting vaping has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Not because I didn’t want to, but because vaping had quietly woven itself into my life.

When I woke up, I’d roll over and take a hit. I’d hit it in the car, on the way to class. Again while doing homework. After eating. When I was bored. When I was anxious. When I was celebrating. It became background noise in my life—always there, always easy, always just one hit away.

I tried quitting more times than I can count—cold turkey, gum, mints, keeping my hands busy—but nothing stuck.

Vaping as a Generation’s Default

I’m not alone in this. According to the CDC, nearly 14% of high school students reported vaping in 2023, down from its peak in 2019, which is when I graduated high school.

Back then 27.5% of high school students reported vaping.

That’s a big drop. A win, maybe. But for those of us who got hooked early, the struggle hasn’t disappeared.

The CDC lists the reasons “E-cigarette marketing, the availability of flavored products, social influences, and the effects of nicotine can influence youth to start or continue vaping.” And that’s exactly what happened. It was everywhere—at school, in our friend groups, and all over our snapchat stories and finstas.

What’s more concerning is the emotional, physical, and social grip it has on people my age, most of whom didn’t realize they were signing up for a long-term relationship when they first picked up a vape.

The Ones Who Got Hooked

Derek Colson 22, was a sophomore at Union High School also started vaping at 16, shared a similar story. “It was never peer pressure,” Derek said. “I just thought it was cool. It was like what cigarettes were in the ’80s.”

What started as a zero-nicotine vape for party tricks turned into a full-blown dependency on high-nicotine disposable vapes. The effects crept in—shortness of breath on the lacrosse field, cravings at leadership retreats, guilt from hiding his vape from his parents.

For Hannah Garvey 24, quitting came earlier and a bit easier. “My older sister said, ‘You don’t even know what’s in that. You’re inhaling chemicals.’ And it just clicked.” She walked away at 19, going cold turkey. But even now, years later, people still hand her vapes at parties. “It’s like people forget not everyone vapes.”

Luke Herndon 25, living in Tulsa was just 14 when he started vaping as a freshman in high school. “I wanted to be a rebel,” he said.

Luke quit for six months during basic training for the military. “I had no choice,” he said. “You can’t vape in basic.” Since then, he’s picked it back up and says he experiences regular cravings and coughing but doesn’t feel ready to quit again.

Vape shops near my high school would offer student discounts, like they knew exactly who they were targeting. Offering a percentage off to students. I went into my old go-to vape shop to see what they thought about it, but they declined to comment.

The Normalization of Addiction

If there’s one word that defines Gen Z’s relationship with vaping, it’s normalized.

“It’s like smoking now,” Hannah said. “People know it’s bad, but they do it anyway.”

Luke sees it from the inside since he still vapes “When I have a craving, I just vape.” In his world, vaping has become a default behavior, not a decision.

Derek said he thinks “It’s worse than cigarettes ever were.”

Maybe that’s true because, unlike cigarettes, vaping comes in different fruity flavors, which, in my opinion, are more appealing than tobacco. We were marketed to like a lifestyle, not a substance. And it worked, and it still has an effect today.

The Reality

For me, the side effects started subtly. I was a all-star cheerleader, always moving, always training. But then I noticed I couldn’t keep up like I used to. Tumbling? I’d be winded. Hitting a routine? My endurance had dropped. I had been vaping for a couple months when I noticed I wasn’t gaining new skills like I used too.

Then I noticed something else, over the last year, vaping stopped calming my anxiety and started making it worse. My cravings came hardest when I was doing nothing—scrolling, sitting, waiting. For a while, I didn’t realize I was using it as much as I was. After a while, I started to feel sick when I would hit my vape. I wanted to quit so bad just honestly didn’t think I could do it. I have an addiction.

I remember during the 2020 pandemic lockdown I thought I had my chance. No one was going anywhere, and I had run out of pods. It drove me crazy; I felt like I couldn’t focus on anything else. I was irritable. It didn’t help that I was stuck at home with nothing to distract me, but I ended up caving within 48 hours. I had my dad get me pods because Trump had changed the smoking age to 21 eight months after I turned 18. I felt defeated. It was emotionally exhausting. I continued vaping for another four years.

Then that all changed this time around, my first day without vaping this time wasn’t as brutal. I slowly started using my vape less and less and tried to replace it with Zyns. It made the process so much easier. After a couple of days, I didn’t even want to hit my vape anymore, and I threw it in the trash. That was such a relief.

Now two years vape-free, Derek still uses Zyns. “I have asthma,” he said. “I had to quit vaping for my lungs. I breathe better now.”

It’s still hard. it isn’t the same when I go out to bars or just sitting at home. I had a moment recently that was honestly one of the hardest when I was in New York for a bachelorette trip.

We were at a club and one of the girls had a vape and I briefly thought two glasses of champagne in “What about just one hit?” Then something in me paused.

Just one to take the edge off. Just one to feel that quick, buzzy calm I used to chase.

I turned away. Pretended I didn’t care. But I did.

And that’s when I realized—it’s going to take longer than I thought for this feeling to go away. That craving to belong, to settle, to soothe something I haven’t totally named yet. I’m not just detoxing from nicotine. I’m detoxing from a version of myself I clung to for seven years.

My Reflection

It’s a Sunday night in April after a long wedding day. I have a 3-hour drive ahead of me. The highway stretches ahead, dark and quiet except for the glow of my headlights. It’s late, too late, but I’ve done this drive before. Oklahoma City to Fayetteville, just me, the road, and a playlist I put on to keep my mind busy. No vape this time. No disposable in the cupholder. Instead, I chew a piece of gum, take a sip of Dr. Pepper to keep me awake, and try to keep my hands moving so they don’t reach for something that isn’t there.

For seven years, this drive would have looked different. A vape was always within reach, almost continuously being the thing I’d do when I got bored. This is my first long drive without it. The habit was as much a part of my routine as turning on my GPS or adjusting the volume. Now, the gaps feel noticeable—empty in a way I wasn’t expecting. I don’t really know how to describe the feeling of withdrawal other than my mind is constantly fixated on nicotine unless I am distracted by something else. I noticed the cravings for sure, but this empty feeling I haven’t noticed until this drive.

It’s been over a month now at this point. It doesn’t sound like a long time, but it feels different. I don’t wake up reaching for it anymore. Which is a huge relief I think that was one of my wake up calls was the fact as soon as I woke up every day I was reaching for something toxic. Not anything that would be beneficial to start your day. The habit itself and the routine is hard to shake.

I started at 16 without thinking much about it. It was just something to do—between classes, after work, on long drives like this. Now, without it, those moments feel different. Longer, quieter. Like I have a voice in my head constantly reminding me I have an addiction. I’m still getting used to it.

I turn up the volume, take another deep breath, and pop another piece of gum in my mouth. It doesn’t hit the same as a vape would.

Research

Vaping is designed to be addictive. According to a New York Times article, JUUL pods have a nicotine level of 5 percent, which is the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes, and the delivery system hits the brain fast.

In the JUUL class action law suit “The Lawsuit alleges that Plaintiffs paid more for JUUL products than they otherwise would have paid if accurate information concerning the products’ addictiveness and safety had been provided. The Lawsuit also alleges that JUUL products were unlawfully marketed to minors. The Defendants deny these allegations and assert that they did not violate any law.”

JUUL was the most common vaping product everyone was using when vaping became “popular,” the flavors cool mint, and mango were the flavors everyone wanted. None of us understood the amount of nicotine we were inhaling and I remember going through these pods so quickly because they were so small and addictive.

According to the National Library of Medicine “The pharmacologic reasons for nicotine use are enhancement of mood, either directly or through relief of withdrawal symptoms, and augmentation of mental or physical functions.”

I really did think at first it was calming my anxiety. I used to take Lexapro sophomore year and stopped taking it once I started vaping thinking. I didn’t need it anymore. But later on I started getting more anxiety because of it. Im assuming I had some placebo effect or maybe because I had vaped for so long I didn’t even get a nicotine buzz/high anymore.

The Cost We Didn’t See Coming

The amount of money I’ve spent on feeding an addiction was insane. I used to spend about $25 every 2 weeks or so on disposable vapes without even blinking. If you add that up over a year, that’s $600; over 7 years, that’s almost $4,200.

Luke said he spends even more, at about $100 a week, to fuel a bad addiction, and urges youth not to start because of the cost alone.

Looking Ahead

Zyns have been the most common alternative to vaping that I’ve seen, and honestly, they’ve helped me the most. We still don’t fully know the long-term side effects, and I’m aware of that. But in my mind, it felt like a better option than constantly inhaling nicotine into my lungs. Whether that’s true or not, I guess time will tell.

The research I did find from Johns Hopkins behavioral pharmacologist Tory Spindle he says, “Sold in 3 mg and 6 mg doses, the pouches deliver nicotine directly into the bloodstream through the mouth’s membrane lining, rather than through the lungs. In many ways, the pouches are safer than other nicotine products on the market because they do not use tobacco leaves and therefore have fewer carcinogens. But they are not risk-free.”

I’ve noticed I don’t reach for Zyns nearly as often as I used to vape, and I can go longer between uses. To be honest, they were tough to get used to at first—the burning sensation was pretty intense. I had the same issue with nicotine gum and mints.

I still use Zyns, and I won’t pretend I’ve got it all figured out.

But I’m working on it. The biggest milestone so far? It’s been almost two months since I’ve used a vape, and I already feel the difference. I don’t think about it as much anymore. I don’t feel like I need it with me every time I leave the house.

There was a time I’d grab my vape before my wallet or my phone. Now, I’m learning to live without it—slowly and intentionally. I hope to quit nicotine completely someday.

Because addiction is sneaky. It rarely feels like a choice. But healing can be.

And I’m choosing that—one less craving at a time.

The post The Casual Activity that Became a Habit: Vaping and Gen Z’s Unseen Addiction appeared first on Hill Magazine.

By Stella Hufhines

The moment Ethan Coombs realized he was struggling with a mental illness, he was immersed in the pages of his old writing journal. “I am undoubtedly depressed,” read the title line of one entry, dated Sept. 27, 2022. Coombs practices writing down his moods and feelings each day for future moments of reflection. As he returned to his journals two years later, Coombs recalled the stark differences between his entries. In September’s entries, Coombs wrote of his dark moods, fatigue or lack of focus, while in May, his entries were full of gratefulness, positivity and happiness.

At the time of the September entries, Coombs was unable to wrap his mind around these mysterious feelings. But as he stumbled upon this entry in January 2024, his perpetual sadness made total sense to him. Now, Coombs knows exactly what was infecting his mind two years ago. He was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in 2023, a malady that has affected nearly every aspect of his life. Coombs has linked the plummet of his grades, lack of energy and tendency to self-isolate to the disorder.

SAD is a subtype of depression that is linked to the change in seasons. Although SAD can appear at any time of the year, it is extremely common in the winter due to the decreased amount of sunlight. How it differs from its associated diagnosis, depression, is that someone with SAD is only affected for three to four months out of the year, while depression is more long-term. 

Typical symptoms of SAD include a disinterest in activities that were once enjoyed, change in appetite, decline in physical activity, sporadic sleep as well as difficulty staying focused and making decisions. These symptoms can evolve into serious mental and physical handicaps for those who are affected. SAD affects a large percentage of the population — up to 5% of all U.S. adults and an estimated 1 million children in North America.

January has been one of the leading months in suicide rates, claiming the lives of over 8,300 individuals in the last two years. Although not all of these suicides are attributed to SAD, there is evidence to show that SAD is extremely common in those who are already diagnosed with a pre-existing mental illness, specifically depression or bipolar disorder.

Despite its pervasive nature in the U.S. population, SAD is often downplayed as a trivial mental illness because it is confused with the winter blues, which most perceive as innocuous. However, the symptoms of SAD are anything but superficial. This preconception that SAD is harmless, along with the global stigma against mental health issues, makes those who endure the disorder often feel unseen and trapped in the shadows of silent suffering.

Ryan Freeman-Burchfield, founder of the Freeman-Burchfield Institute for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the only Beck Institute Certified Clinician in Arkansas, explained the mental health stigma “exists inside of us and our society.” Freeman-Burchfield said she believes this stigma creates shame associated with mental illness and can be detrimental to those who suffer.

“The consequence of minimizing SAD (or any mental health symptom) is that people will not seek the support they need and it is possible that their symptoms could worsen leading to suicidal thoughts and feelings,” Freeman-Burchfield said.

Coombs, a 23-year-old native of Northwest Arkansas, has grappled with this seasonal struggle for the past four years, but his symptoms appeared to be much worse than the average person. Unable to get any sleep at night, loss of motivation to see friends and the overall miserable veil smothering his mind, make the winter months insufferable for Coombs. When victims of SAD make it out of the trenches of winter, they are usually met with a newfound optimism in the spring, as their days become filled with sunlight and warmer weather. As February ushers in the promise of a sunlit salvation, Coombs said he feels a surge of hope. “In the spring when (my depression) starts to go away, I feel like I’m invincible,” Coombs said. “But It never goes according to plan.”

Spring and summer become his sanctuary, a time for passion projects, academic engagement and the erasure of the previous winter months. The euphoria, however, is short-lived, crashing down as autumn signals the return of his SAD.

The winter of 2021 was an especially troubling season for Coombs, but he did not attribute a specific factor to the intensity of his SAD. Instead, Coombs believes it was just a particularly bad episode “in combination with a lot of responsibilities I couldn’t delegate,” he said. Despite that specifically harsh winter, Coombs claimed when spring arrived, he quickly bounced back. “(The change) was so dramatic that I didn’t even feel like fall was that big of a deal because of how good I felt in the spring — until the next fall came,” Coombs said.

When Coombs’ symptoms began to creep back in autumn, all of his projects and excursions he had planned during the sunshine-filled summer came to a halt. As a psychology and music major at the University of Arkansas, deeply passionate about his studies, Coombs grapples with the impact of his mental health on academic pursuits. He said one glance comparing his fall and spring transcripts could provide a depressive diagnosis on its own. In the spring, Coombs consistently remains a straight-A student, but in the fall, no matter how many hours he is taking, his grades seem to plummet. During the fall semester, Coombs finds himself dropping classes he once eagerly anticipated, paralyzed by the lack of motivation and energy that his disorder brings.

According to his mother, Tina Matsubara, Coombs “was a quiet contemplator, who overthought everything” as a child. Growing up in Northwest Arkansas, Coombs’ life seemed pretty standard. Not showing any previous signs of mental distress, his parents were surprised as to why he started having relentless panic attacks around the age of 7. Coombs, who experienced these intense fight-or-flight responses, now questions the origins of these sporadic panic episodes. Although he said there is no definitive origin, Coombs wonders if the attacks coincided with frequently being left to his own devices as a child. 

With a father who frequently worked late hours and a mother who also worked as a teacher and ran errands often, there was a consistency of being left alone with his brother for long periods. 

Other than the summer months when his mother was not working, he recalled unusual moments when she was home for extended lengths of time. Although Coombs assumed she was sick, having taken off work, he now believes these moments were likely due to depressive spells.

Even though Coombs said he has always enjoyed being alone, these absences seemed to deeply distress him.

Growing up, Coombs’ older brother was diagnosed with depression at the early age of 8. Meanwhile, Coombs seemed to embody normalcy.

That’s why, when Coombs told his father of his diagnosis of depression at 20 years old, his dad was taken aback, almost as much as Coombs, himself, was. Coombs said he suspected both reactions were because he had gone so long without showing any symptoms. 

 “It seemed that, like with my brother, if (depression) was going to emerge, it would have probably happened earlier,” Coombs said. 

Freeman-Burchfield views SAD as a prevalent mental disorder, especially when it already runs in the family. She said genetics play a large role in determining mental illness and emphasized how common it is for children to inherit such disorders from parents who grapple with identical challenges. Additionally, Freeman-Burchfield suggests that there might be a natural, instinctive element to SAD that contributes to its widespread appearance. “I think in the winter we are supposed to slow down generally,” Freeman-Burchfield said. “We’re humans, we are a type of animal in a way.” Although 5% of the U.S. adult population experiences SAD, Freeman-Burchfield believes that, in reality, far more are likely to experience it.

Calvin Ryerse, a 22-year-old living in New York City, has been struggling with symptoms of SAD for eight years, which is another testament to familial mental illness, as both his mother and grandmother share the disorder. This family history, along with his symptoms, suggests the presence of SAD, although Ryerse is undiagnosed. For Ryerse, his seasonal depression mostly manifests through a lack of energy and motivation. “It feels like moving through molasses,” Ryerse said, “which is a challenging way to spend five months out of the year.” Trudging through the thick mental fog of winter, Ryerse finds himself operating at a snail’s pace in his day-to-day life. For Ryerse, the winter of 2023 held a notoriously bad winter for him, as he was fired from his job in November, graduated in December and ended a relationship in February, all while dealing with his usual seasonal struggle.

Ryerse, who is a filmmaker, found that his most bearable winter was when he was working on his senior thesis film. Having a long-term creative project helped Ryerse get through the insufferable winter months.

“The best way to deal with it is to give myself a project to work on,” Ryerse said. “Having something to look forward to kind of cuts through that intense, cold heaviness.”

Another way in which Ryerse fights the symptoms of SAD is by being outside as often as possible — going on long walks and bike rides despite the cold.

Ryerse said he has not considered getting an official diagnosis because he was “feeling unsure about the process,” and is content with being undiagnosed. “There’s something easier living in the uncertainty of it — confronting the truth or the non-truth,” Ryerse said.

Freeman-Burchfield, who has been helping those with SAD since 2007, has many suggestions for treatment options; however, one of her top prescriptions for those with the disorder is time outdoors.

“I believe in nature,” she said.

Freeman-Burchfield has had her own mental struggles throughout her life and occasionally battles mild SAD. After recently undergoing wrist surgery, which left her feeling limited and partially immobilized, she fell back on one of her most suggested forms of healing: going on a hike. Despite the dead trees that look like skeletal sentinels, Freeman-Burchfield listened to the sound of flowing water from a nearby stream and the chirps of birds — a symphony of delicate flutes. 

She strongly believes that getting outside, regardless of the nasty weather, can do wonders for those struggling with SAD. There are many forms of treatment for SAD, ranging from Ryerse’s focus on creative projects to Freeman-Burchfield’s suggestion to get outside, or different kinds of medication. Other common treatments include light therapy, exercise and different methods of talk therapy, however, no single form of treatment works for everyone. 

Summer Rainn, who has been diagnosed with SAD since 2020, has been consistently disappointed in her attempts at finding solace through different treatments.

Rainn’s SAD symptoms greatly hinder her day-to-day life, she said. Shutting herself away from the outside world and friends, her self-isolation becomes a tortuous experience. It is difficult to maintain consistent habits with SAD, so Rainn’s routine tends to fluctuate. Being that her symptoms are so severe, Rainn has sought out many forms of treatment. Medication was her first venture, but it proved to make her condition even worse. “The times I was on medication, it turned me into a zombie, barely functioning as a human,” Rainn said. After her hopeless excursions in the world of pharmaceuticals, Rainn became interested in a more recent and debated form of medicine.

Things began to look up for Rainn when she received her medical marijuana card, which made her symptoms far less intrusive to her daily life. Many recent studies address the correlation between mental illness and marijuana, especially concerning depression. While there are mixed opinions on whether it improves or worsens the condition, there are many personal testimonies that claim the drug is integral to getting those with depression through the day. Outside of marijuana, listening to music seems to be the only other efficient way Rainn can cope with her symptoms.

Similar to Rainn, Coombs has tried almost every treatment option available in the hopes of easing his despair. Before resorting to medication, Coombs attempted to eliminate any environmental factors that could have been feeding his disorder. He endured months of dieting, blood tests, hormone evaluations, light therapy, exercise and a regimented sleep schedule, all to find that nothing truly stabilized his suffering. Medication is the only treatment that seems to lighten the effects of SAD for Coombs — much to his dismay. Coombs has never considered medication a long-term solution and instead views it as a risky last resort due to its possible impacts on the brain. Despite his hesitation toward pharmaceuticals, Coombs has high hopes for the future of healthcare and continues to abide by his same routine of medication, exercise and time outside.

It is common for people with forms of depression to have a hard time envisioning their future. However, Freeman-Burchfield suggests that those who have been diagnosed with SAD and have experienced their depressive cycle find it easier to look to the future.  For someone experiencing symptoms of SAD for the first time, the unexplained nature of their emotions can be perplexing. Deciphering and discovering new feelings can be extremely difficult, especially in a world where mental health is frequently stigmatized.

Freeman-Burchfield said the reverse can also be true for those with SAD, where one feels a sense of dread as winter approaches. Although those who are diagnosed are aware that their struggle is seasonal, it can create a sense of apprehension when it comes to facing the colder months. They know that darker times are ahead, but there is nothing they can do to stop their symptoms from reappearing.

During a surprisingly warm February this year, Coombs said he was springing out of his seasonal slump and seemed unexpectedly optimistic when considering the future state of his disorder. As an undergrad psychology major, Coombs recognizes that, with graduate school ahead, he is going to stay busy for the following years. When he envisions his later career, Coombs does not see SAD in the picture and is fairly optimistic that his current treatments will continue to carry him through the winters. Trying to focus more on the present, Coombs has adopted the idea that “everything will work out eventually.”

“I’m probably not the typical depressed person thinking about their future because I’m very optimistic about this kind of stuff,” Coombs said. 

But this is not always good, he said. Coombs attributed his overly optimistic mindset to his newfound enjoyment of day-to-day life, now that his depressive season was coming to an end.   

Freeman-Burchfield said she believes mental health’s severity is often minimized and that there has been a historical stigma surrounding the topic. She mentioned that a transformative moment in reshaping conversations around mental health emerged with the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Being locked indoors and estranged from the outside world, COVID-19 brought a 25% increase in the global appearance of anxiety and depression according to the World Health Organization. While acknowledging the grim toll the pandemic took on mental well-being, Freeman-Burchfield highlighted a silver lining in the crisis — “it normalized mental health for a lot of people.” 

Even in the wake of increased awareness and discourse surrounding mental health, Freeman-Burchfield highlights a persistent challenge in the way individuals approach their own well-being. “We maximize other people’s problems, but we often minimize our own,” she said. She encourages individuals to become active participants in understanding their emotional landscape, urging them to contemplate pursuing potential diagnoses, particularly in the case of SAD. “You are the expert on you,” Freeman-Burchfield said. “What you go through, what you experience — you are the expert.” 

The societal norm to minimize personal feelings played a significant role in Coombs’ early diagnosis of depression. Even though Coombs had been struggling with symptoms of SAD for years before it was confirmed, he had programmed himself to blame times of emotional turmoil and sadness on factors other than his mental health. By blaming his feelings on these justifications, Coombs had never considered the possibility that he could be dealing with something more serious, which is why his diagnosis of depression hit him particularly hard. 

Although the overwhelmingly large number of individuals suffering from SAD could be considered a crisis in itself, Freeman-Burchfield said she believes the bigger issue lies in the stigma against mental health. “People don’t know where to start, how to talk about it, or where to go,” she said. At heart, she thinks that by sharing mental struggles with others, people can connect with and inspire those who are suffering to recognize their own mental hardships. If this pattern repeats, the global mental health stigma might slowly begin to dissolve, Freeman-Burchfield said. 

By confronting the bigger issue, individuals may begin to find peace in a more accepting atmosphere. Although Coombs can envision a bright future ahead, others may navigate the darkness by focusing on the day-to-day. 

In the uncertain landscape of her future, Rainn said she finds herself navigating the present with a mix of determination and curiosity. All that she can currently do is keep using the treatments that get her through each day. 

Concerning Ryerse’s future, instead of trying to fight his SAD, he has learned to accept and embrace the disorder. Ryerse said to avoid dreading the next November when his symptoms usually kick in, he finds ways to utilize his SAD. Ryerse views the winter as an opportunity to slow down, a season for intentional rest and introspection. Although the colder months can be tough for Ryerse’s mental health, he finds solace in the knowledge that spring will inevitably come, ushering in a wave of renewal and dispelling the shadows of his depressive mood. 

Although no two victims of SAD will walk the same path, many may find comfort in an open conversation. By sharing personal stories and connecting with others affected, the individual experience becomes that of the group. In this transparent environment, those with SAD are learning to manage the seasonal cycle instead of trying to break it. 

The post A Change in Season: Navigating and Managing SAD appeared first on Hill Magazine.

By Dustin Staggs

Picture this: you’re sitting in your favorite study area, bed, couch, or cozy corner doing school work. What do you do now that you’ve completed your final task for the day?

If you’re anything like me, you go for your trusty phone and begin swiping away. Perhaps it’s nighttime, and you know you should get some beauty sleep, but instead you’re scrolling away the hours, filling up that bottomless pit of stimulated satisfaction, and losing track of time until, whoops, it’s 2 a.m.!

So, what is the name of this devilishly enticing digital dance? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “doomscrolling” is the activity of spending a lot of time looking at your phone or computer and reading negative news stories. Whether we realize we are doing it or not, doomscrolling is an easy situation to find ourselves in with our constant connection to content and the endless feed of social media at our fingertips.

Anyone can spend too much time getting lost in the rabbit hole of negative online news and social media. Men are slightly more likely than women to doomscroll, according to WebMD. The study also states that younger adults are more likely than older adults to do it, and people who closely follow or participate in politics are more likely to doomscroll.

Additionally, doomscrolling causes harm to mental health in a variety of ways. According to UNC Health, doomscrolling contributes to anxiety and depression by reinforcing unpleasant ideas and sentiments. It has the potential to exacerbate pre-existing mental illnesses, like anxiety or depression, as well as increase fear and concern. Furthermore, it can make us agitated, inattentive, and mentally exhausted, resulting in the productivity of a sloth on a sunny day. According to UNC Health, the more time we spend doomscrolling, the more likely we are to have sleep problems, stress-related health issues, and low self-esteem.

Given the possible emotional and psychological consequences of doomscrolling, it is critical to be aware of how much time we spend doing it in order to make efforts to reduce its influence on our mental health.

But wait, there’s still hope! You have the ability to break out of this vicious cycle. The following is how I tamed the scrolling beast: I replaced the scrolling to flipping the pages of a nice old-fashioned book. Since the beginning of the summer, any moment I had the slightest amount of free time and felt like getting on my phone, I instead picked up whatever book I was reading at the time and immersed myself in that. It’s the equivalent of swapping fast food for a five-star supper. While reading may take a little more focus and effort than watching funny cat videos on TikTok, it is way more rewarding.

Therefore, reading is an excellent way to address many of the issues that social media brings, making it a perfect substitute for anyone willing to try it. There are millions of books available for individuals to enjoy, and with the assistance of your local public library, you may choose any book to read for free.

Not only does reading improve your critical thinking and creativity, it also helps increase your vocabulary, knowledge and imagination, according to Nuvance Health.

Nuvance Health also states that being entertained offers physiological advantages, such as generating endorphins in the brain; it is more beneficial when the content we are absorbing isn’t short 30-second videos but instead working out the muscles in our brain by reading. 

Now, some of you may have fallen out of love with books after being pushed to have reading goals in grade school, but books are pure entertainment at their finest. Books have the ability to make you laugh, weep, and keep you on the edge of your seat. It’s like a mental exercise, producing feel-good hormones that can help you relax, manage discomfort and let go of stress.

Immersing oneself in the enticing world of books can perform wonders for stress alleviation. It’s like a spa day for your brain, slowing your heart rate and relaxing those tense muscles. Reading allows you to focus on a tale rather than the turmoil of life, allowing you to compartmentalize, giving way to mental clarity and helping to prevent emotional burnout—which is a skill we all need in this fast-paced world. So, the next time you’re tempted to doomscroll, instead go for a book. It’s a worthwhile quest that might save your mental health.

The post Ditch Doomscrolling, Choose Reading appeared first on Hill Magazine.

By Katherine Taylor

Emma Ferguson’s spot on the worn green couch might as well have been spring-loaded. In the midst of a passionate monologue that included topics like the essentials of rabbit care, Lizzo being a “bad bitch,” voting patterns of suburban white women, and the best method for making a beaded lampshade, she popped up and walked into the kitchen several times, simply to open and close the fridge without taking anything out.

This is a regular occurrence with Ferguson, 21. Catch her in a conversation that excites her and just watch; chances are she’ll leap from her seat, subconsciously driven to her feet by sheer passion, then realize she didn’t actually have any reason to stand up so now she has to create one: move a charger from one outlet to another, fill a cup that wasn’t empty, check the fridge, pet the cat.

Being restless and talkative are commonly-known traits associated with ADHD, parts of Ferguson’s personality I’ve become very familiar with as her roommate. These are the things that anyone who meets her sees right away. 

But these are only a few strands of the tangled web ADHD has woven around Ferguson’s life. When she has access to Adderall, her symptoms are manageable; when she’s unmedicated, they become overwhelming.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced a shortage of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine salts (the generic name for Adderall) in October 2022, with little explanation as to why. Almost a year later, it has yet to be resolved, an abundance of red tape blocking the path to any potential solutions. The shortage has created a myriad of both psychological and logistical problems for people across the country who rely on the medication in their daily lives. 

For Ferguson, the “fun” side of her ADHD takes a backseat when she can’t get her prescription filled. She forgets things: where she put her car keys, meetings, homework assignments, commitments she’s made. Focus becomes elusive. Things get disorganized, jumbled up and confused, a frustrating barrier to success for a high-achieving student. True irritation creeps in and spills out as she fights the feeling that she isn’t in complete control of herself anymore. 

Having her medication doesn’t just make it easier for Ferguson to focus. It makes it possible for her to function.

“When I don’t have my Adderall, it’s 75/25 if I brush my teeth and put on deodorant,” Ferguson said. “I have a hard time doing routine tasks. My impulse control goes out the window, so I drink a lot more and I binge eat. I don’t show up for obligations that I normally would never miss.”

Despite the enormous impact of the shortage, to those affected, it seems like very little is being done to find a solution. A potential explanation is that Adderall is a highly controlled substance. It’s classified as a Schedule II drug by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA), meaning it has a “high potential for abuse, with use potentially leading to severe psychological or physical dependence.” This is the same designation awarded to drugs like hydrocodone, fentanyl, and opium. 

Despite the addiction risks, Adderall prescriptions are not rare. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), prescription fills amongst people aged 25-44 increased by roughly 10% from 2020 to 2021. From 2006 to 2016, amphetamine use (including Adderall and drugs like it) more than doubled. Data collected by Trilliant Health shows that Adderall prescriptions for people aged 22-44 is outpacing actual ADHD diagnoses amongst the same group. 

Because millions of people are prescribed the drug, strict regulations are set to curb attempts to sell or use it illegally. This is a fair concern; while estimates vary, data collected by the National Institutes of Health showed that roughly 1 in 10 college students used Adderall without a prescription in 2019. An Ohio State study from the previous year had that number at almost 16%. As a “study drug,” many students turn to it during exam season, hoping to increase focus, stay awake longer, and improve performance on tests.

But for Ferguson and others like her—people who are prescribed Adderall for intense and sometimes debilitating symptoms—there is little comfort to be found in the idea that someone else might not be able to get it. She just wants her meds. 

“I don’t love taking Adderall,” she said. “It makes me kind of irritable. But without it, I feel like a little kid because the people around me have to corral me. When I got to college freshman year, I went to my doctor hysterically crying because I thought I’d gotten stupid, when I really just needed a prescription. I can’t do things at the capacity I’m capable of without it.” 

For those who are seeking an explanation for the shortage, there isn’t much out there. The drug industry higher-ups—manufacturers, distributors, the FDA, the DEA—are providing very few satisfactory answers about what is causing this problem or when it will end. Some politicians and legislative committees have called for answers, but the pharmaceutical supply chain does not seem to have much to say. It seems that Big Pharma and all its subsidiaries are shrugging a collective shoulder on this issue. 

According to the American Society of Health System Pharmacists, seven of 11 listed manufacturers have provided no explanation for the shortage, or refused to disclose how much of the drug they have available. Of the four remaining on that list, two have discontinued the product, and two are prioritizing existing customers.

Right now, many with ADHD are simply trying to ride the shortage out, doing their best to navigate a myriad of bureaucratic and logistical issues to get their medication. Through a combination of phone calls, pharmacy cooperation, psychiatrist assistance, and sheer luck, some people have found a path to getting their prescription filled. 

Callie Barnett, 22, is a student at the University of Arkansas studying abroad in Rome last spring. For her, going abroad has made it easier to take her medication consistently. She was able to request a full four months’ supply before she left, though it wasn’t easy to acquire.

“Before January, I was already having trouble getting my normal prescription, but for four months[’ worth] I had to travel five hours away to my hometown to get enough,” Barnett said in an email from Rome. “I have friends who didn’t have that luxury.”

Were Barnett without her medication, though, things could get dark quickly. As part of her diagnosis, she deals with racing thoughts, inability to focus, and suicidal ideation. 

“When I don’t have my meds it is almost impossible to get out of bed,” she said. “My thoughts race and all I can think about is everything I need to be doing, but it feels like I can’t. It sends me into a depressive spiral that makes it extremely difficult for me to get up and join the world.”

Dealing with such serious symptoms means that people who are left without their medication are forced to try and solve the problem on their own. Ferguson, who is prescribed the generic versions of both extended release and instant release Adderall, is supposed to get a month’s worth of both every time her prescription is filled. Recently, though, that hasn’t been the case—especially for the extended release, which she relies on the most. 

“Twice now it’s been 20,” she said. “One time I got ten of each type. I’m on this fucked schedule where I don’t have them at the same time. It’s been about six months that I haven’t gotten my two prescriptions on the same day.”

In order to carefully control the amount of Adderall and other Schedule II drugs on the market, the DEA sets specific quotas at the beginning of every year. Manufacturers are only allowed to produce based on those quotas. Thus, production is limited by estimates derived from data collected in previous years, rather than as a response to actual demand. Producers can’t simply make more to match prescription needs—and individual recipients are saddled with the consequences. 

“When they run out of Adderall, it’s all on me to call my doctor and have her call in more,” Ferguson said. “And I have to call the pharmacy to see if they have it so she can send the script over. I can only have three pharmacies on file, so if none of them have it, I just can’t get my meds. Plus I have to wait until I’ve run out of whatever they gave me initially before I can get the rest of the month filled. You expect me to do all that without my Adderall?”

Because of the strict regulations on the drug, any potential solutions that could be executed lower down the food chain are out of the question. Pharmacists can’t substitute similar drugs; insurance companies have their own rules about what they cover. Once, a pharmacy had Adderall on hand, but Ferguson is only insured for the generic version, not the name brand. She would have to pay $300 if she wanted it.

“That’s unacceptable,” Ferguson said. “I should not be paying the same amount for a medicine I’m prescribed as I would to get it on the black market.” 

Without consistent access to her medication, Ferguson and others like her have had to learn to cope. Because the extended release pills have been harder for her to get, she has been relying on taking multiple instant releases in a day. When she runs out of her measly ration of those, she asks friends who have a prescription to loan her some until she can get hers filled and repay them. More often than not, though, she simply goes without. And the inconsistency has serious side effects.

“When I stop taking my meds suddenly, I can’t even get to class,” Ferguson said. “It’s difficult to slow my mind down enough to focus on one thought, so things slip through the cracks.

“It’s hard to maintain relationships. Due dates become really impossible because my procrastination gets worse. It’s not that I’m intentionally being a shit student or coworker or whatever it is, I just don’t have the capacity to do things in a timely manner.”

No timeline. No answers. No solutions. No meds. The Adderall shortage is affecting people diagnosed with ADHD across the country, and there is little that individuals are able to do to solve the problem. Without the medication, performing the tasks necessary to get more becomes increasingly difficult, and daily life becomes a struggle.

The post No Adderall, No Answers: Drug shortage causes students to struggle appeared first on Hill Magazine.

As childhood hunger continues to impact Arkansas, many communities are working to end food insecurity, which affects 1 in 5 children in the state. 

Tucked away at the edge of Gulley Park lies a farm not only cultivating crops but providing meals and education to equip children with tools to live a healthier lifestyle. 

Apple Seeds NWA was founded in 2007 with the mission of introducing children to nutritious foods and inspiring them to make healthy choices. Volunteers soon discovered that many of the students they worked with did not have reliable access to fruits, vegetables, or other nutritious foods, as Arkansas is home to many food deserts.

Food deserts are areas that lack convenient options that provide affordable, healthy foods and  Northwest Arkansas is home to both urban and rural food deserts, many of which impact low-income communities the most.  

According to the Arkansas Hunger Relief Alliance, “A community is a food desert or low food access location if residents must travel more than one mile in an urban setting or more than 10 miles in a rural setting to obtain a selection of fresh, nutritious food.”

Jordan Lanning, Director of Development became involved with Apple Seeds NWA in 2022 after wanting to help end food insecurity in NWA and also give students a sense of control over the foods they eat. 

“I think as we get older we all forget what it’s like to be a kid,” said Lanning. “You spend 90 percent of your time being told what to do and how you need to do it. So this really gives kids the opportunity to take control of a portion of their life.” 

As director of development, Lanning works to raise funds for and awareness about the organization. She said she thinks it is important for kids to be given the opportunity to know where their food comes from and what they can do with it.

The teaching farm occupies two acres of Gulley Park, where crops grow year-round. During the winter months, root vegetables like parsnips line the greenhouse, and the farming side of the program shifts to the culinary side of things. During the fall and summer, harvests are in full swing and students are given a closer look at everything that goes into gardening. Programming is offered year-round and over 15,000 students have visited the farm in person or through the organization’s virtual programming. 

Programming includes allowing students to harvest, wash, prep, cook and eat vegetables, but to fully support the mission, Apple Seeds NWA also sends home those same ingredients and a recipe card. This allows students to recreate the meal with their families, and show off what they’ve learned. Recipes range from kale chips and sweet potato fries to zesty radish cream cheese or an apple beet crumble. 

Regardless of the recipe, fruits and vegetables are brought front and center, encouraging students to try new foods with their peers, and then later with their families. 

Though students may be apprehensive about trying a new vegetable, Programs Director Ryan Patterson said he tries to make sure they get to experience every aspect of gardening to ease some of the students’ worries. 

“They’ve had so many different touchpoints by the time they try it, they’re more familiar with it,” said Patterson. “So 98 percent of the students were willing to try the snack we made during their field trip.” 

Patterson has been with Apple Seeds NWA since 2020 and oversees all programming including those in schools and summer camps. He said he loves seeing students’ excitement when they learn about where their food comes from. 

“It’s like magic,” said Patterson. “Being able to have them see that process happen in such a short amount of time while they’re here and see them connect those dots about where their food is coming from is just so cool.” 

Patterson has helped provide the experience and education to over 60 schools, including through remote options offered to districts across the state. 

Apple Seeds NWA works with the Arkansas Hunger Relief Alliance and Arkansas Children’s Research Institute to develop the Growing My Plate Program. This program is a food nutrition program focused on connecting students with fresh foods and the skills needed to cook them. This curriculum has been implemented all over the state, as the USDA recently gave the nonprofit a grant to expand this program. 

The work Apple Seeds NWA does is felt consistently by the Northwest Arkansas community. In 2021, the organization donated almost 9,000 pounds of farm-fresh food to students and families in the community. 

Apple Seeds NWA donates food weekly to school food pantries and other youth organizations. Students who attend programming are sent home with recipe cards and the food needed to cook said recipe, but accessing healthy food daily is difficult for many Arkansans. 

According to the Arkansas Center for Health Improvement, in 2019, there were only 1.7 grocery stores or produce vendors per 10,000 people in Arkansas, well below the national average of 2.1 per 10,000 people. Though corner stores and convenience stores may help fill this gap, the food they provide is often prepackaged snack foods and few pantry staples. 

“What we see with the differences between urban and rural food deserts, is that in urban food deserts, there may be access to some kind of food, but it’s not necessarily healthy food or even affordable food,” said ACHI Senior Policy Analyst and Data Privacy Officer, Jennifer Wessel. “Versus in rural areas, it may just be limitations to getting to food in general.” 

Though Arkansas is home to higher than the national average food insecurity, organizations and teaching farms like Apple Seeds NWA are working to end this epidemic and empower a generation to have access to the food needed to make healthy choices.

The post <strong>Farming Fights Food Insecurity: Local nonprofit combats the NWA hunger crisis</strong> appeared first on Hill Magazine.

Before I go to the gym I shake the pre-workout that tastes as artificial as candy because TikTok told me to. I scroll endlessly on Pinterest looking for a workout that targets everything I think needs to change about myself. In my mind, I remember the influencer who told me to do pilates for lean muscles. Then I remember the one who created a more feminine workout, so I don’t get super bulky. I never know who is right and what I should do. On my way to work out, I sort through my playlist and add rap music, because that is what the fitness influencers tell me I’m supposed to be working out to.  

I anxiously look around to see which machine is open. If it isn’t the treadmill, I don’t know what to do since my plan is ruined. The weight rack is full of powerlifting men and the other options are machines I don’t know how to use – maybe it is the fear of embarrassment or maybe it is ignorance.

After I leave, I wonder if my workout did anything. I do it all again and the stress never fails. The cyclical pattern proves to be more unhealthy for me than anything.  

Going to the gym is intimidating. What used to be a place full of inspiration is now full of competition and insecurities. I’m not sure I can pinpoint where the uncomfortable atmosphere begins. Whether it is the protein powder or fluorescent lights, something about it makes working out feel like a chore rather than a healthy habit. 

According to a survey conducted by My Protein, about 90 percent of people are concerned about how others perceive them at the gym.

A big part of this anxiety comes from perception as well as the comparison we have all fallen victim to on social media. Although it has become one of the most mainstream forms of communication and entertainment, social media can be toxic. The toxicity doesn’t end when it comes to fitness trends and the culture surrounding working out- something that should be encouraging.

TikToks and Instagram posts contradict each other so often we don’t know what to believe. What one licensed doctor says is a healthy diet, another might say is not entirely nutritious. We are told to drink green powder every morning in addition to running on a treadmill. On the other hand, we are told to cut out gluten and dairy and stick to pilates. If “health is wealth,” why is it so difficult to get a clear message on what is truly good for the body?  

Gym culture has made fitness about everything except getting fit. It is more about what you eat, what you wear and how you look. You have to wear matching workout sets, in-style shoes, and look “put together” just to get your heart rate up. If I don’t have a color-coordinated trendy outfit, I feel as though my workout isn’t as effective, but that shouldn’t matter at all.

It can be intimidating if you don’t know what to do, and more often than not we don’t even try something new for fear of judgment. I constantly feel as though I need to look over my shoulder to make sure no one is looking at me and making fun of how much I am struggling. 

Nobody should be intimidated by fitness. It is personal even though various factors, such as social media and gym culture in general, have created a false sense of community. In reality, the “community” is an exclusive club that only six-packs and powerlifting can offer you entry to.  

Ever since high school, I have felt the same way about going to the gym, it’s always seemed like more of a contest of who looks the best or who is doing the most. In college I knew that it was time for me to figure out what I want out of a fitness experience. I decided to take matters into my own hands and take workout classes. It was then that I was able to gain more confidence in the workout realm. I found somewhere where I felt that the workout was more about me than somebody else. I was able to pick what I loved in a fitness routine and become more in touch with my physical health and in turn got to prioritize mental health.  

Now I bring a full water bottle because my body told me to. I let the instructor decide the workout for the day and let my mind relax without thinking of what I need to change about myself. On my way to workout, I listen to whatever I want and know that my spin class could be Taylor Swift themed or my HIIT (high intensity interval training) workout playlist could be country music because people can listen to whatever they want when they workout. 

It is all about what makes you happy because that is where the results come in. Fitness is more than just being fit, however it’s not about how you look or come off. It is about how your body feels, what gives you energy, who inspires you to keep going, why you’re doing it, how you fuel your body and making sure you don’t lose yourself in the idea of being perfect. 

The post What’s the deal with fitness? appeared first on Hill Magazine.

Like many who stow away confessions, secrets and poems in the notes app, University of Arkansas sophomore Harper Haynes’ writing became her escape. But unlike many who keep their notes for their own eyes, in eighth grade, Haynes began to share her work online. 

After the loss of her grandparents, she turned to social media as a way of coping with grief. Now, nearly five years later, she has accumulated over 26 thousand followers between her Tumblr and Instagram accounts, inspiring many through her words. 

Growing up in Maumelle, Arkansas, the queer poet and multimedia storyteller was always encouraged by her family to embrace her creativity. Her days, often spent in classrooms, were full of writing countless songs and stories along with the help of her friends. But with the new grief she dealt with following the death of her grandparents who once lived down the street, her writing became an extension of her childlike ways.

“It was definitely a way of release and processing this big tragedy,” she said. “I lost a lot of my family support group connections and leaned on writing.” 

Feeling somewhat of an outsider at school in a small town, she found refuge online through her Tumblr account Oozins, especially in the app’s music community. For nearly eight years, she sang in choir, immersing herself in a world of music lovers and even created a Taylor Swift fan page in her youth. 

Today, music still plays a large inspiration in Haynes’ writing. Usually struck by a lyric in a rock or folk song, her poems touch on themes of reminiscent summers, girlhood and growing up feeling isolated in the South, she said.

Her musically eclectic poetry is also extended in the form of multimedia collages. Usually paired with her writing, she creates visuals both by hand and digitally to further convey the ideas and emotions portrayed in her words. 

“My process has gotten pretty methodical at this point. I’ve got this huge archive of all my clippings going back to eighth grade, so I know which era I’m cutting stuff out of,” she said.

The collages she shares online have also played a role in her large following and have given her opportunities to work with small musicians such as Hana Bryanne, for which she created the cover art to her single “Holy Ground”.

One thing to note about Haynes following is that they are very loyal. Some have even followed her since she first began back in 2017 on Tumblr and continue to follow her on her Instagram account Ophanims she created in 2019. 

Her demographic largely consists of women and queer folk, who share similar experiences implemented in her writing. When she first started on Tumblr, she said it was the first place she was ever able to interact with LGBTQ-aligned people, coming from a small, largely conservative town. 

Not only do these platforms provide connection, but also inspiration. She is often highly credited for themes portrayed in her followers’ writing. Also, small artists and musicians, such as the up-and-coming indie singer-songwriter Searows, follow her account and are inspired by her artistry. 

While Haynes tends to not look at her following and care about the numbers, her accumulation of supporters blows her mind, she says. 

“I don’t go through my following enough. I’m not used to the influencer routine, so I don’t do it at all. I just treat it like an archive basically,” Haynes said. 

For Haynes, her account is just another way of self expression and creation, rather than a place of inspiration for others. Much of her online work comes from her intimate journals, filled to the brim with poems, magazine scrap collages, green smeared paint, and old family photos.

In the last year, Haynes had to re-acquaintance herself with grief after the passing of her mother. She said for a period of time after her death she was unable to create and powered through school as a means to keep herself going.

“Time doesn’t feel real in comparison to that. But I didn’t write at all. I couldn’t write at all. I was just stuck and now it’s been the wave of stuff I kept blocked up. I’m definitely a person who keeps things bottled up so poetry is my number one outlet,” she said.

Haynes poetry is a form of therapy and healing. From her experiences with loss, comes the reason she writes. 

“My work is about relief and expression. I feel incomplete and unmoored if I haven’t made art about something, and it just centers me so much in that way,” the artist notes.

To Haynes, her creations are like a time capsule, tracing back the loss of friends, family, romantic partners and other past memories. 

After inheriting photo albums and sentimental pieces of her mom, she was left with few stories attached to them which inspired her to leave her legacy in writing for those that proceed her she said. 

“It’s a magpie collection of my brain. It’s like all my favorite shiny objects. It’s definitely got an aspect of scrapbooking now. After my mom’s passing I got way more into making it more like an archive, so my kids can some day look back and know what I was like when I was her age,” Haynes said. 

While the writer does share a large portion of her life with her online audience, she said there are some personal pieces of work in her journal she has chosen to keep for herself. Though it should be noted, she is appreciative of her platform and ability to positively affect her viewers through shared experiences.

With this in mind, Haynes said there may be a place for them to be read in the future. She is currently working on getting a collection of her poems and art published and sold in bookstores in Fayetteville. It will be a compilation of mostly new, though some old, pieces of her writing and collages. The poet said some of her more vulnerable works may grace the pages giving them a more proper and formal home, rather than her Tumblr and Instagram. 

“Sometimes things aren’t for the internet, but are for a book,” she concluded. 

The post <strong>Writing Through Music and Grief: How Arkansas Poet Harper Haynes Uses Social Media As a Creative Escape</strong> appeared first on Hill Magazine.

As she finishes teaching a full class, The Diva Dive owner Sally Corbin, 42, walks around the studio in her 6-inch pole dancing heels. Between the clicks of her shoes on the hardwood floors, she and her students laugh and chat as they prepare the floor for the next class.

The walls of The Diva Dive, a pole and aerial silk fitness center off College Avenue, are hot-pink and sparkly, painted by one of the studio’s loyal students. Lining them are pieces of decor holding many stories and memories, such as the unicorn head made out of Corbin’s first pair of pole heels and the studio’s very first sign that was mounted outside of their old location.  

The overall aura of the studio may be familiar to those who have taken dance classes prior, but it’s the community and comradery aspect, both within and inside the walls, that set the gym apart from others.

“It’s a very supportive environment,” said The Diva Dives’ student Mary O’Neil, 33.

She, alongside student Inger Bakaric, 54, sat on the pink couch in the entrance of the studio after their class. The two of them, both good friends, bounce thoughts off of each other as they talk about their love for pole fitness. 

“It’s empowering. It really changed my life,” Bakaric said. “It’s a whole body makeover, mentally and physically. I have such wonderful friends from it and I’m stronger and more confident all the way around.”

Despite the stigma surrounding pole dancing, the environment created in the space is friendly, respectful, empowering and strong as well as sexy. 

One of the beauties of the Diva Dive is that they are advocates for women embracing their beauty and sexuality. Corbin and instructor Sydney Wingo, 21, who is a University of Arkansas junior, both agree that they wouldn’t want to change that side of the art.

“I don’t necessarily know that I would change the fact that it is seen as sexy. I just think that it’s not a bad thing to be sexy or not a bad thing for women to want to feel sexy, and it shouldn’t be demonized,” Wingo said.

For Corbin, the payoff comes from watching her students enjoying themselves in the mirrors lining the studio’s walls. She jokes that she often tells her students to use them to admire their movements and beauty because they were expensive, but the real truth is that they provide dancers with a visual that allows them to grow in technique as well as confidence.

“I don’t know what the world does to women before they get to our door, but it’s our job to fix it. I have so many students that I’ve seen come through the door and can barely look at themselves in the mirror, because they are believing the lies the world has told them,” she said.

 “And I love it when I see that unconfident girl and see her look in the mirror and she has appreciation for herself and she realizes how beautiful, sexy and capable she is. That is the moment for me when I’m like ‘My job here is done’,” Corbin adds.

While pole fitness does wonders for one’s confidence and mentality, it is also a great form of exercise. Similar to ballet or other forms of dance, it may appear to be easy by the output of professionals, but pole dancing is very physically demanding of the upper body and core. Which is why, no matter your dance background, The Diva Dive starts you in beginner level classes.

O’Neil, an intermediate level student, and Bakaric, an advanced level student, agree they are in the best shape of their life. This may come as a shock after learning Bakaric previously competed in triathlons, but it goes to show the hard-working testament and the strength needed for pole dancing. 

Wingo, who had dance experience prior to taking and teaching pole classes, felt the same challenge and determination after taking her first class at The Diva Dive

“I was tired and I was sore, but I felt so good just watching myself either in the mirror or taking videos and looking back on them. I felt so good, that I think that’s when I was like ‘Okay, this is something I love’,” She said.

Although the pole and aerial fitness gym has done so much good within the Fayetteville community, it hasn’t been without hardships and outside discrimination. 

Back in 2013, when The Diva Dive opened, being the first of its kind in Northwest Arkansas, the studio was met with snide comments and remarks by conservative-minded citizens. 

“When I started pole dancing in 2010 or 2011, you didn’t talk about it because people had this whole negative connotation about it here in this part of the country,” Corbin said honestly.

Corbin has also been an advocate for the sport on social media, getting into battles with Facebook and Instagram for shadowbanning pole dance content and ads across the platform. In 2019, a letter she wrote to Instagram gained national recognition after being reposted by United Pole Artists to their large audience.

Although, in recent years the overall idea of pole dancing has gained acceptance, not only in the media but in Fayetteville, its stigma can still be felt.

As a U of A student, Wingo said she is very selective when it comes to the people she talks with about her job. 

“If you’re with people that you know are going to think it’s cool, then you have no shame whatsoever. If you are in a crowd of people you know are going to look at you and think bad things about you and maybe your character, you don’t bring it up,” she said.

The studio has also faced unfortunate scenarios with ill-intentioned men, resulting in the studio becoming a female only establishment, but Corbin and Wingo said it’s worth noting the talent and impact male pole dancers have in the craft.

Above all, the pole studios main goal is to create a safe space for their students. One that’s directed away from stigma and judgment. 

“None of us are in here doing this for someone else. We’re after our own goals and achieving something for ourselves,” Corbin said.

For those interested in taking classes at The Diva Dive, they offer a multitude of pole, aerial, pilates and dance classes open to all ages. There are also Intro to Beginner Pole classes everyday of the week for those who are interested in trying it out. 

The instructors encourage coming in with a beginner mindset and only ask that their work is taken seriously. 

“I love watching people realize their limitless potential. That’s what it’s all about,” Corbin said.

The post <strong>The Diva Dive on How Pole Fitness is Creating Self-Confidence in Fayetteville</strong> appeared first on Hill Magazine.