By Ashton York

Depending on where you were raised, you may have a different idea of what the South and Southern culture means than someone else. To some people, the South may bring to mind beautiful nature, home cooked food and a unique accent. To others, it can have a less-than-ideal mental image.

In a small Oklahoma town by the name of Oktaha, the high school sits at the heart of the town. When looking at it, the metal building seems to be what the nearby neighborhoods grew around. 

The school itself is fairly large for a town consisting of only around 300 people. Since 1989, the average size of a grade level in Oktaha has grown from 35 students to 80. 

Though someone from a big city such as Dallas would find it to be tiny, it has grown out of its three or four original class buildings that looked like something from “Little House on the Prairie.” 

It is hard for the common spectator of such a school to know every aspect of what life would be like for a student here. The Oktaha High School experience vastly differs from student to student depending on their own personal identities, as it surely does with most schools.

Most students at Oktaha were raised in Christian, conservative households, which may be a decent experience for those who grow up to be what their parents would define as “normal.” 

But for those who face more of a struggle discovering their own identities, a big part of childhood turns into hiding who you truly are.

Alex Smallwood is a graduate of Oktaha High School and current student at Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. They spent a lot of their childhood with their grandparents on a small farm and usually helped with farm chores. 

Often, they felt as if their personal identity clashed with their Southern identity.

“I was the weird kid growing up, and a lot of people down there are really homophobic, transphobic,” Smallwood said. “And I am both of those things. I am non-binary and bisexual, visibly. So my family and a lot of people I thought I was friends with started being really cruel to me when I started being more out.”

Living in the South can provide one with very unique skills due to the area, such as driving tractors, caring for cattle and using power tools, all of which Smallwood learned about while in rural Oklahoma. 

Although Smallwood appreciated the niche knowledge they gained about such things, it is impossible to ignore when your identity is looked down upon by others. Especially in an environment where it is done almost constantly, every single day.

“I always felt like I would put a mask on,” Smallwood said.

Once Smallwood moved to the town of Tahlequah for school, they said they found themselves so used to fitting in that returning to their hometown is unappealing. After transitioning to college, it is easy to forget how different rural Southern culture is from that of bigger Southern cities.

Smallwood said their favorite part of college is “the people, definitely. I don’t feel this shift from when I’m by myself to when I’m with other people (such) that I’m a completely different person. I feel like the same person, which wasn’t true in my hometown.”

Especially for neurodivergent children, racial minorities or queer students in such a small, like-minded country town, going to school every day can feel more like an emotional burden than an opportunity to grow and learn. 

“They didn’t even acknowledge that I had a learning disability, so I didn’t really get any extra help with that or accommodations at all,” Smallwood said.

For students who are neurodivergent, learning disabilities like ADHD and dyslexia make school a different level of difficult. A lot of schools in the South do not have the funding or experience to be able to hire teachers who have proper training to help those students. 

Middle school and high school students are already at a vulnerable point in their lives, facing big changes and other students who may not be kind. Add a learning disability on top of that and it is easy to feel misunderstood and alone.

“They did not know what to do with me,” Smallwood said. “Literally, a lot of the times, they would put me in a broom closet with a pile of work and keep me in there until I finished it.”

In elementary school, Smallwood would often get sent to In-School Suspension (ISS), which meant getting put in a small, empty room with only a desk. Students would be sent to this room as punishment for acting out in class. However, in Smallwood’s case, it was usually due to their symptoms of ADHD.

Teachers would get annoyed at them for talking, kicking their feet, or being inattentive in general, Smallwood said. Then they would have to go to the ISS room for the rest of the school day, sitting alone and working on an endless amount of busywork, separated from all the other children. 

Rather than help the situation at all, this only aided in making neurodivergent students feel isolated and unimportant. Smallwood’s guardians were never even notified that their child was put in ISS. 

Many situations like Smallwood’s merely present themselves due to a lack of knowledge. Both teachers and parents in Oktaha and most rural towns do not have nearly as much information about ADHD or queer children as one would in a city.

The impact that ignorance and world-views can have is clearly represented by how Oktaha administrators treat those with disabilities versus how they treat students struggling with financial insecurity. Wealth and class are one of the few things that aren’t subject to prejudice in this town.

As it may differ from bigger and more diverse schools, the high school is primarily made up of students that live in trailer houses and need reduced lunches. In many rural towns, families and schools alike struggle financially, which leads to a disadvantage in many aspects. 

Teachers at Oktaha are good about supporting students who come from low-income households, giving them free lunches and making sure they have clothes on their backs. It vastly contrasts from their treatment of queer and differently-abled students. 

The teachers’ personal connections to certain issues seems to give them the understanding they need in order to be more kind to those who struggle with them.

These experiences are not limited just to the likes of a small-town Oklahoma school. It can be found at plenty of other high schools across the South. 

A student at the University of Arkansas, who wished to remain anonymous, graduated from Pangburn High School in Arkansas. She did not have the exact same experiences as Smallwood, but she had enough occurrences to make her not want to return to Pangburn.

Pangburn is a town consisting of nearly 500 people, one school for grades K-12, multiple churches, two gas stations and a convenience store, the anonymous student said. A lot of her time was spent outdoors or hanging out with family, as there is not much else to do in such a small town.

As a straight, white woman, the student felt as though her personal beliefs were the only thing she could be treated badly for, she said. 

“I think being liberal in the South is definitely not the most fun,” she said. “For me, though, I’m a pretty basic person. It’s mainly my beliefs (I could be judged for).”

The anonymous student feels as though she had the advantage of seeing things from others’ perspectives, which taught her how to be more patient toward those with different views. A lot of people in her hometown did not experience this for themselves, and that led them to become less tolerant people.

“Definitely I feel like I’ve become more open-minded from it because I was around a lot of people who didn’t have the same opinions as me,” she said. “So I was able to kind of look at people’s beliefs from different points of view.” 

There were many times in high school when she would not freely speak her opinions because she was worried what would happen, she said. Even if this is a bad thing in itself, this experience continues to help her decide when she should speak or not.

Although she did not get treated much differently by those around her, the student said she wishes there had been a more diverse group of people. It would have given her “more opportunities to build connections with people that meant something.”

There is a disadvantage for students attending universities after having been at a small high school, the anonymous student said. As it is when the teachers deal with a lot of minority groups, many rural high schools have trouble finding qualified people to help the students navigate towards college.

On the other hand, Christopher Brown, a student at John Brown University (JBU) in Siloam Springs, does not think he had much of a disadvantage coming from a smaller school. Brown is majoring in construction management at JBU, and he graduated from Pryor High School in Oklahoma. 

Brown’s brother was 15 years older than him and graduated many years before he did, and the college preparation system at Pryor changed a lot within that time. 

His brother struggled to prepare correctly for college, as teachers often gave out easy homework that could be finished in class, and not much studying was required to pass classes, Brown said.

However, by the time Brown himself graduated, he never had the same feeling his brother did. He felt as though the counselors were decent at helping him to choose the right path, Brown said. This may have been due in part to his major of choice, which was somewhat covered at Pryor.

Brown’s high school had an engineering course, and the teacher had a degree in aerospace engineering. She had experience in the field and was dedicated to helping the students prepare for college.

“Her class kind of really worked more like a college class,” Brown said. “She told us what to look for in college and how to study.”

One positive aspect of rural high schools is that they usually have at least one or two teachers that work their hardest to make sure their students leave with as much knowledge as possible. 

They do not receive any extra training or pay; however, they leave their impression on students for the rest of their lives.

Though Brown had the advantage of this experienced teacher, he was not as prepared for his original goal as he thought at first. Originally, he went to Oklahoma State University (OSU), majoring in engineering, but he realized after his third semester that it wasn’t going to work for him.

A lot of college engineering programs heavily rely on the prior experience of students. Most engineering or computer science students had related classes in high school that prepared them for higher education in such topics. 

This is a privilege that a lot of students from bigger schools may not think much about, but for schools like Pryor and Oktaha, those classes do not exist.

“I dropped out of my first class,” Brown said. “It was an intro class, but I had to go to an easier class that I took online just because I had no experience.”

The South may have several aspects that need work to make it a safer and more accepting place for all people, but there are parts of Southern culture that make living here worth it to some of those same people.

There are also several benefits that come from living in the South. A lot of skills are acquired in Southern states that do not get taught elsewhere, and Southern hospitality and food cannot be beat.

In his free time, Brown enjoys working on cars and other automotives. It has been a hobby of his for as long as he can remember, due to the fact that he was raised by parents who loved the same thing, he said.

“Anything related to cars, boats, dirt bikes, and anything like that has always been my favorite hobby,” Brown said.

Brown got his first dirt bike when he was three years old. By the time he was in junior high, he saved up enough money to buy himself a 1969 Chevy pickup truck with help from his dad. Even now, that pickup truck stays at Brown’s parents’ house and needs work done often.

“I don’t really know how some people just get into it later in their lives,” Brown said. “My dad just kind of got into it. I don’t know how, because his dad was never into it. But for me, it’s just something that I always have been into and I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t.”

If he had not been raised in the South, there would have been less opportunities for Brown to get involved with his hobby. Brown’s parents have their own car shed and workshop on their land so that he and his father can work on various cars in their free time.

Not only are some hobbies more accessible in  the South, but there are also many foods that only those in Southern states have ever heard of. Many of which may sound crazy to someone who was not raised in the area.

Southern hospitality is also talked about a lot, and it is certainly not a myth. In smaller towns, it is common for everyone to know everyone else as opposed to bigger cities. 

When a neighbor is in need, it is common courtesy in rural areas to offer assistance and care.

Though many rural memories from their childhood were negative experiences, Smallwood still finds a home in the South. They wish that outsiders could see that many Southern stereotypes do not hold true all the time, Smallwood said.

Specifically during the winter storm in 2021 when many power outages and deaths occurred across Texas, Smallwood recalls how people reacted to hearing the news.

“People said they deserved it because they’re a red state,” Smallwood said. “And we’re a red state. And they were saying, ‘They’re homophobic.’ and all that. ‘Those people deserve to die.’ No. There’s people of color and queer people that live there and people who aren’t conservative freezing to death. They don’t deserve that, and if there are conservative people living there, they don’t deserve to die either.”

Smallwood will never forget how so many people from outside the South acted that way, they said. It just shows exactly how misunderstood the South as a whole can be.

“If people could see past the outside (view) of how Southerners act, we could move forward and switch to something a little bit more proactive,” said the anonymous student from the UofA.