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By Kayla Kimball
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The other day I was looking through my Facebook memories and three years ago my status was, “Silence is not consent.” Three years ago I never thought I’d be sexually assaulted, I didn’t think I’d fall victim to dating violence, and I was extremely unfamiliar with the federal law, Title IX. Today, I know countless survivors of rape and relationship abuse. Today, I am one of those survivors. Today, I wish I knew then what I know now about sexual assault, dating violence and most importantly, consent.
When discussing consent, people are still uncomfortable. A few weeks ago, I walked into a bar wearing my T-shirt from “Take Back the Night”—an event to show awareness and support for victims of sexual, dating and domestic violence. The shirt said “Prevention is Possible.” The bouncer asked me, “prevention against what?” and I replied, “sexual assault.” He was surprised I’d say such a thing, like it was some sort of taboo topic that wasn’t in the media constantly as of late. I made him uncomfortable, and I knew it. I looked around to see faces staring at me with looks of disgust on their faces. They looked at me like I should regret what I said and for a moment I second guessed myself, but I didn’t regret it. I straightened my posture instead of trying to hide myself and I walked inside. I will never be ashamed to bring up important topics such as sexual assault prevention.
The sad reality is that so many people do not take sexual assault and domestic violence seriously until it happens to them or to someone close to them.
So, let’s talk numbers. Our campus has an organization called RESPECT (Rape Education Services by Peers Encouraging Conscious Thought), which aims to educate students about sexual assault on campus. According to its website and the “That’s so 6%” campaign, one in four women and one in 16 men are sexually assaulted during their college years, though a Kaiser Family Foundation Poll from 2015 found that since 2011 one in five women had been sexually assaulted on or near their college campuses and 25 percent of women, seven percent of men did endure some sort of unwanted sexual encounter. A 2002 study, Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists by David Lisak and Paul M. Miller revealed that only 6 percent of men were responsible for rapes on college campuses, but a more recent 2015 study Trajectory Analysis of the Campus Serial Rapist Assumption lead by Kevin Swartout, showed that almost 11 percent of men were responsible for rapes on college campuses.
Many think that rapists are just the scary men in dark alleys, but they can be anyone and usually they’re someone you know. They can be your friend, the man or woman in your English class, the seemingly nice guy at the frat party. For me, it was the guy in my class who eventually became my boyfriend. Who raped me multiple times. Manipulated me. Emotionally abused me. It was the same guy who raped another woman, a classmate of mine, while she was unconscious in her dorm room.
We need to talk about and teach consent because acquaintance rapes make up for three out of four sexual assaults, according to the national anti-sexual assault organization, RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network). Only “yes, means yes,” and just because there’s an intoxicated girl or guy at a party doesn’t mean they can knowingly consent. Bystander intervention is becoming more prevalent, which is a great thing, but consent needs to be our main source of prevention. Consent could be taught starting at the elementary school level, even. Children need to know to ask permission before any kind of physical contact or invading personal space. As they get older it should be incorporated into their sex education and health courses.
When I was in the seventh grade we had a sex education class once a week. Our teacher talked about different sexually transmitted infections and abstinence. Not once was the topic of rape or consent brought up. This would have been the perfect time to plant this seed in our moldable minds. During my time at Fayetteville High School, I took the general health class that was required to graduate. Our measly and sad sexual education unit covered, once again, sexually transmitted infections and that one should only engage in sexual relations with another if they are married, and there was no discussion of what constitutes rape and consent. There was definitely no discussion of Title IX and our rights regarding sex under the federal law. I’ve met many who don’t believe consent is the problem, but it’s that self-defense needs to be taught, so that when women or men are raped it’s not because they didn’t consent; it’s because they could not properly defend themselves.
When media announced that the University of Arkansas would be requiring all new students to take a one-hour, online educational course over campus sexual assault and bystander intervention, I read so many Facebook comments on the articles saying, “so, this is a conceal carry course?” or “They’re finally going to teach self-defense.” There was one man who even went as far to say that when men, women or children are raped they should be ashamed and it is their faults because they could not defend themselves. It seems that many have the mindset that some sort of defense training is the answer to prevention, but that’s insinuating that everyone should walked around expecting to be raped. No one mentioned that men and women should just ask for consent before engaging in sexual relations with another person.
So, let’s get the conversation started. Just ask for consent.
If you were sexually assaulted and need help processing what happened, what you want to do and how to get help, contact a STAR Central advocate, the NWA Center for Sexual Assault at 800-794-4175, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at 800-656-HOPE (4673), the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or call or text a Stop Arkansas Rape survivor-advocate at 479-259-1515. Remember, you are not alone.
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