By Natalie Murphy

As Jennette McCurdy speaks at the Distinguished Lectures Committee, the audience is very familiar with her. Simply put, the first time the mostly college-age attendees heard of and watched her on TV was when they were in middle school. But she is no longer the character we knew her as. Not Sam Puckett, the spunky, hard-headed girl she played on iCarly nearly 10 years ago. 

After going on a six year hiatus from acting, fans of McCurdy were reintroduced to her, in a new light and with a new title to her belt: an author. 

After quitting acting, going to college, losing her mother to cancer, recovering from an eating disorder and addiction in therapy and now writing a book, she has a new voice, one that is different from her TV persona.

Interviewed by University of Arkansas professor Jen Veilleux and student Josie Zakrewski, she sits before a full audience of eager listeners at the Fayetteville Town Center on Dec. 5. McCurdy wears a black and green outfit with fabulous, mono-chromatic green loafers she bought on sale at Urban Outfitters, she tells the audience. 

This is what her fans like about her. Just like her fashion choices, McCurdy’s book and life experiences have resonated and are relatable to them. 

The former actor has been on a book tour since August to promote her memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” which is an honest (and darkly-humorous) retelling of her time as a child actress and the pressures and abuse put on by her mom throughout her career and overall life. The stories of her childhood are told in a first person, present tense narrative giving readers a deeper look inside her memories.   

The book quickly became a New York Times best seller after its release, despite the pushback she got for its title. 

“When the book was first coming out, I did a lot of press with people who hadn’t read the book… but everyone would just comment on the title assuming that I was completely hateful towards my mom,” McCurdy said, “and I’m really just so grateful to anybody who’s read it and sees that was not the intention. This was a really hard-fought, complicated and hard-earned journey that I’ve lived.”

The book, which took inspiration from McCurdy’s one-women musical she wrote and performed in the coming months before COVID-19, was a challenge to dig deeper in her allured choice of profession as a writer. At only 10 years old, she had written a screenplay, but was discouraged by her mom, who McCurdy believes pushed her into acting so she could live vicariously through her. A now 30-year-old McCurdy phrases that the time writing her book played a role in healing her inner child who was told to not pursue writing.

After McCurdy’s mom passed away from breast cancer in 2013, she began therapy which led her down the rabbit hole of her abusive past. She recounts that she was unaware of her mothers harmful habits during the time she was alive and would even sugarcoat her actions to her therapist unknowingly.

“Everything had this really long-winded disclaimer attached to it and that was just what I knew best at the time, and it was what I felt I needed at the time. And now that I see it in retrospect, I really needed my mom up on the pedestal in order to survive for so much of my life,” she said.

When it was first brought up that her mom’s actions were abusive, McCurdy admits to the audience, she quit going to therapy appointments for a whole year before returning. But it was in these sessions that she realized she had a story to tell. 

McCurdy spent six years writing and putting time into her craft, all of which she said she spent the majority of alone. As she reflects back on that time, she expresses her gratitude because it helped her tune into herself and grow as a person, separate from her mother and the public’s perception of her. 

Writing and going to therapy helped her better express her feelings, something she struggled with greatly in her adolescence. With a mom who was in and out of the hospital for 17 years, McCurdy said she and her siblings had to be emotionally sound. This resulted in years of bottled up emotions and baggage she tells listeners. 

Her mother also etched a skewed perception of femininity and womanhood into her at a very young age. Growing up Mormon, it became apparent that being female was the “more unfortunate role,” she said. In auditions and therapy, McCurdy even noticed herself leaning into masculine qualities to be taken more seriously.

“Growing up with my mom’s kind of pressure around women and the shame I felt around that,…it’s been such a healing experience to be connecting so much with so many women. It literally makes me emotional. I feel proud to be a woman, and so grateful to be connecting with women,” McCurdy said, tearing up.

During her book tour, between talk shows and press conferences, the author spoke at multiple colleges like the U of A. 

“It’s so great speaking with people this age. It feels really special,” she said.

McCurdy considered her college years one of the hardest times in her life. With it being after her TV show wrapped and around the time of her mother’s death, she said it was a moment she felt she had a lot to overcome. Like most college age students, she felt lost but also that she was defined by one thing, which was her Nickelodeon persona, Sam. 

In the lecture, she shared how she hated being compared to her iCarly character. Often, fans and friends would tell her how they wished she was more like her, a girl known for speaking her mind and being intimidating herself. McCurdy described herself as someone who deeply struggled with anxiety and was usually quiet in public settings, especially as a child. 

“I played characters that were really confident, characters that some say were cool, but then I would go in public and I was a nervous, anxious, little hunched person,” she said. 

The honesty in “I’m Glad My Mom Died” has undoubtedly given readers more insight into who McCurdy really is and has proved she has “more substance” than just her character. 

Throughout the lecture, she spoke on how her writing process not only gave her a better understanding of herself but gave her a better grasp of dealing with the world. Her life, full of ups and downs, has given her a new outlook through comedy which she implemented in her book. 

“The idea of there being a circus of life happening always at the same time as the most tragic events are happening, that’s definitely my experience. I also feel like life’s too f–king hard if you don’t have a sense of humor about it. Like if there’s not some levity, there are days and sometimes weeks and months and years that will knock you to your fucking knees. Life begs for comedy,” she said.

As times progress, life inevitably ebbs and flows. Lucky for McCurdy, she said she believes she has reached a point of positive change. While she continues to be booked with press tours, she is appreciative for being busy. After much success with her memoir, McCurdy is in the works of her second book which will be a novel, she tells the audience.

While she may not be in acting anymore, it is safe to say her career is just getting started. With her feet planted in writing, it is very likely she will be a name fans, new and old, won’t forget.