Story by Alyssa Crutcher

It seems like in today’s time, young women are often ridiculed for being… well, just being. We’re too much of something or we’re not enough. You like to play video games? Weird. You like romance novels? Typical. 

The list of labels and insults we endure is endless:

Slut, bossy, mannish, tease, prude, dramatic, shrew, diva, emotional, bitchy… Too fat, too skinny, too pale, too loud…

No matter what we do, how we look, or what we like, someone somewhere will always find a way to tear us down for it.

I remember in middle school, I was belittled for liking things as simple as the color pink just because it was “girly.” I would be put down in gym class because I didn’t enjoy sports (how “typical” of me), and when I would actually try to get involved, there was the infamous “you play/run/hit like a girl.”

Oftentimes in middle and high school, I was also body-shamed for being skinny. I was constantly asked if I was anorexic, and not in a “concerned friend” type of way.

People would say that I talked too much or too loud, so I stopped talking. When I did, I spoke quietly – afraid the sound of my voice would set off an earthquake of hushes. 

An anonymous University of Arkansas student says she feels like she truly doesn’t have a choice about what she can like. She started wearing baggy clothes that exposed little skin after being told, once, that God wouldn’t approve of a short skirt she wore. 

“It has made it harder to express myself knowing that I don’t have a bunch of support,” she said. “I try to remember I don’t wear it for them – I wear it for myself to be confident.”

Freshman Kaige Tidmore says she and her friends were called annoying for doing simple things like watching “girly” TV shows and dressing the way they like to dress. 

“Putting too much effort into how I look, or not putting enough effort in… It’s hard to find a balance that won’t trigger anyone to say hurtful things,” Tidmore said. “Women are attacked for having skin too dark or too pale, or not having a perfect body. I’ve been told countless times to ‘go out in the sun’ because my skin looks too ‘ghostly.’” 

Tidmore would also be made fun of for being too skinny. She was often told that she needed to eat more. 

“It’s often women who make these remarks trying to ‘help you out,’ when in reality, they’re slowly destroying your confidence,” she said.

Freshman Emilee Wilson was the captain of her debate team in high school. The boys on the team would always ignore her. She would often be insulted at tournaments by boys on the other teams because she was a girl in debate, which wasn’t common at her school. 

“I was constantly trying to change the way I debated or wrote cases to meet the standards that were expected of me from others,” Wilson said. 

Wilson was also body shamed for being shorter and having a smaller chest.   

These insults usually start at a young, impressionable age, and are done by those closest to us. 

It was mainly the male friends I had, thinking they were being funny. However, for me and others, it was also the female friends who would put you down to raise themselves up, or do it to fit in with the boys – which we’re all guilty of. 

Being told these things about a body and mind that you haven’t even had the chance to get to know yourself rightfully takes a huge toll on a young woman’s confidence and mental health. 

The first word that comes to mind is “anger.”

Their unkind words would make me feel ashamed for simply having a body. I would try to stay away from certain clothing items that show off my un-curvy figure. To this day, I still resort to wearing baggier clothing to hide the insecurities that were projected onto me by other peoples’ opinions.

I began to feel afraid of showing people my real personality, thinking I’d be too much for them or maybe not enough.

For Tidmore, the hurtful comments made her feel ugly, worthless and insecure. She has struggled with her personality and physical traits her whole life. 

“Those comments are something you can never get out of your head,” she said.  “I have cried countless times because of the hurtful comments I have gotten.”

For Wilson, the comments made her feel weak — like she wasn’t good enough.

We hear the sharp words of the people we thought looked out for us, and we blame ourselves. We bend, stretch and break until we fit into the mold their standards demand of us. 

It takes a long time to understand other people’s opinions of you do not define your beauty.

“I tried my whole life to fit the typical beauty and personality characteristics,” Tidmore said. “I’ve changed my entire personality and appearance over the course of my life, and though I love myself now, I haven’t always.”

Even though we still struggle today, coping gets easier. It takes time. We learn that not everyone is going to be kind. 

The best thing we can do is take these harsh words and turn them into motivation. Not to change, but to encourage us further in our path to finding out who we truly are and who we want to be. 

“I know that people will never be happy with a confident woman. Confident women can do anything and everything they put their minds to, and the comments are not worth worrying about,” Tidmore said. 

“(The words) have made me stronger,” Wilson said. “It took time to get to a point where they did, though. I had to work to get over the negativity of it mentally so that it could make me stronger.”

Self-expression is the way we present ourselves. It’s how we want to be seen, how we want people to feel when they see us. And it’s invigorating when you’re able to freely express yourself, whether that be through fashion, personality, or interests.

It was beginning college that made me realize I deserve to be me after so many years of hiding it. I look around and see so many different types of people, all with different styles, interests, and personalities. It encourages me even more to be myself.

Self-expression is one of the most important parts of living, Tidmore said. 

“If you’re not living as yourself, you’re not living at all.”

Now, we are much more confident than we were. You don’t like how we talk, what we wear or what we like to do? Okay. Why is that our problem?

We do not need to be fixed; We are unapologetically us.

We are strong, we are beautiful, we are smart, we are worthy, we are perfectly imperfect. 

We are girls, and we will be whatever the hell we want to be.